Back to school is around the corner and many parents are curious about their time and experiences in school, and despite our well meaning “how was your day” it usually lands with a one-word answer.
Below I’ve compiled some more creative ways to learn about your child’s relationship with the landscape of school and social life. Reminder that when kids share “bad” stories, we simply need to listen instead of fix – often they are simply letting out the emotional garbage of the day, and our work is to listen and support as needed.
Open-ended follow-ups usually land better than the usual catch-all “how was your day,” which is easy to answer with a shrug or “fine.” Here are some alternatives:
Get specific instead of general
“What was the best part of your day? Worst part?”
“Who did you sit with at lunch today?”
“What made you laugh today?”
“Did anything surprise you today?”
Invite storytelling
“Tell me something that happened today that I don’t already know about.”
“What’s something your teacher said today?”
“Did anything funny/weird/annoying happen in [specific class]?”
Low-pressure, sideways entry points
“On a scale of 1-10, how was today? Why that number?”
“What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
“If you could redo one part of today, what would it be?”
Social/emotional check-ins
“Who did you hang out with today?”
“Did anyone do something kind for you today? Did you do something kind for anyone?”
“Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?”
Playful/routine-based
“Rose, thorn, and bud” (one good thing, one hard thing, one thing you’re looking forward to.)
“Give me a highlight reel of three things, go!”
PRO TIP: A few things that tend to help regardless of which question you use: asking in the car or side-by-side (like while cooking) rather than face-to-face can lower the pressure, since middle schoolers often open up more when they don’t feel “interviewed.” Timing matters too, right after school many kids need decompression time before they’re ready to talk. And following their energy, if they mention something in passing, a quick “wait, tell me more about that” often gets further than a fresh question.
Mindmarrow Counseling, PLLC 