Mindmarrow Counseling, PLLC

Because of attachment challenges while living with ADHD we are often left confused, doubtful or misguided when it comes to matters of intimacy and relations with others. Thanks to being born with hypersensitivity, we have an exaggerated sense of being rejected. The connections between our frontal cortex and lower brain centers are not developed optimally so throughout our lives we create protection mechanisms, scripts in our minds and behaviors to keep us safe from these feelings of rejection. In other words, our insufficient regulations in the brain from impaired inhibition in the frontal cortex exaggerates our response to rejection. 

Often because we are so busy trying to navigate and regulate ourselves with our relations to the outside world, we have a much more difficult time understanding and loving ourselves. If you are reading this and are navigating life with impaired inhibitions and and hypersensitivity, I see you. The hypersensitivity of temperament we were born with magnifies the impact of every emotional stimulus we encounter which makes even the most healthy and loving relationships sometimes a challenge where we are left with asking “what is wrong with me that I can’t get this right?”.

There is nothing wrong with you, just recognize that you need, more than most, ways to love yourself. That means attending to your busy mind with great care and without judgement. Here are some steps to take that will increase the relationship bond with yourself which in turn will increase connection with others around you (who love you very much!). 

1. Vigorous movement: to the extent that you can, please move and groove every day. This could be stretching, dancing, walking, running, or any number of circuit exercises you can find for free on YouTube. 
2. Be creative: whatever that means to you, your brain will be so happy (write, draw, sculpt, dance). Please don’t be performative about it – no one needs to see it, just let your being-ness come out, all the things you might be afraid to fully share in real life. Creative depositories for our brains are extremely healing. If you need a prompt email me!
3. Eat well: Not aiming at perfection, but yes, to a degree, you are what you eat. Increase your protein (a stack of cards is approximately a serving size), and try to eat every three hours (small meals are fine.) Our ADHD nervous systems are working over time, so we need to fuel our bodies to help keep our moods regulated;
4. Breathe better: Choose any way of breathing you desire focusing on the deep inhale through the NOSE and long exhale. Here’s a great video from the James Nestor author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art.  Bonus points if you do the deep breaths when you are doing something you love or with someone you love.
5. Be in nature: sunlight, dawn, dusk, trees, water, grass etc. Bonus points if you sit in nature and stare at it for 30-40 minutes just observing.
6. Remind yourself of your strengths as a human with ADHD. See chart below courtesy of ADDitude Magazine. 
7. Take your medicine: if and when it helps, as directed by your prescriber. If your medicine is causing problems (headaches, anxiety, stomach ache) you have the wrong prescription so please, please revisit dosage and type with your provider.
8. Seek therapy from a qualified professional that understands people deeply and especially  the remarkable and complex people with ADHD. Therapy is meant to be a mirror for you to see yourself fully when done effectively. In that mirror you are able to powerfully wipe away the proverbial crumbs off your face or the hair in your eyes.